Wednesday, June 13, 2007
12:00:40 AM CDT
I once dated a guy that told me; "I have four friends, everyone else is an aquaintance".
That just blew my mind.
I've always had a completely opposite approach; I consider everyone a friend until they prove otherwise. I try to see the good within everyone, but, as I've grown older I've come to realize; the man had an excellent point.
These days, I have friends, close friends, and family, and family isn't neccesarily catagorized by blood relations. I always kinda feel like Al Pacino in "Meet the Parents" when I talk about these relationships, but it's so true! There is such a thing as an "inner circle".
Here is my "list" of absolutely vital characteristics of my "inner circle":
You have to know what's wrong from right and always try to do the right thing. I believe I have a penchant for farm boys, and I think it has to do with their morals and their strong family ties. I got three farm boys under my belt. At this point, I've learned enough from them to own and operate my own farm, go figure. What impresses me most about this personality type is that you don't have to TELL them to do the right thing, they already understand what is right and try to live in that fashion. I consider that awesome!
Whether it's loyalty to one's upbringing or even to your alma matter, people around me gotta remember to be true blue. It's not something that can be demanded of a person, it's something they just give freely. Time doesn't change this factor, it's ever constant, like a beacon in a lighthouse. It's that comfort zone that says; I'm going to stand behind you come hell or highwaters. I will be here for you.
Honesty, without cruelty. I've always respected anyone around me that can truthfully look me in the eye and let me know I'm being an ass, but do it with a touch of class, and not with the intention of harming my ego.
Huge department for me, right up there with morals. Trustworthy people understand your boundries and try not to cross them. They never give you opportunity to judge their integrity, and you know you can always depend on them because they don't violate this fragile emotion.
5) Open minded thinking
Narrow minded thinking really grates on my nerves. I politely put up with it, but I'm not about to buy it a drink. I'm not saying to give up on your own beliefs, just be willing to walk a mile in someone else's shoes for crying out loud!
6) Consideration of others
I have a dear friend that's just one of those kind souls you want to spend as much time with as you can. Randy is a down to earth, nothing I wouldn't do for you until you tick me off kind of personalities. The other day he and his wife stopped to say hi. Some kids were riding their skateboards in the road, and one of them took a complete nose dive. Randy stops everything he's doing to rush over and help the boy out. He honestly and sincerely was worried about this boy's welfare. People like this are worth twice their weight in gold anyday.
7) The ability to allow others to love you.
Can't tell you how many people I know that are extemely loving, but can't find it within themselves to allow you to give them that love in return. It's almost as if they believe they don't deserve your love. I relate so well to this type of personality, because I walked a thousand miles in those shoes. The problem with those that can't accept love in return is that they deprive you of that joy of giving to others.
I'm Mel, need I say more? ROF
Flighty people drive me insane. There's a long road we have to travel out there, and we aren't going anywhere if you keep switching lanes on me!
10) Listening skills
Not just listening with their ears, but with their hearts.
A spouse has to have all of this to win my heart, plus one very vital element:
The ability to be intimate.
Most guys just can't do this. Either because they are afraid of being hurt, or because they were raised to believe guys just don't behave that way. In the darkness of the night if you can't let that guard down and allow yourself that vulnerability you will never experience that deep unconditional love. Without intimacy, what you have is just a good friend.